Hard to keep in.

Ok so it's been a while but I haven't had much time to blog.  I just finished my internship for school and wow it was tiring.  I barely had time to worry about anything else but thank goodness it is done and I graduated!  So now my mind turns to other things.  Getting a new job, putting Cody through the police academy, more schooling for myself, and.... kids.  For about 5 months now Cody and I have not been preventing kids from coming and so far nothing so I guess it's not time yet but I wish it was.  I know our lives are a bit hectic right now, and I know having kids will be the hardest jobs we will ever take on but yet I still can't wait.  I love kids and the fact that I am in an eternal marriage with an amazing man just makes me want to bring more craziness and love into our family.  We originally wanted to keep our "trying" secret because we have felt the harsh judgement from family and friends on our other decisions and we didn't want to hear all the, "You really should put that off for five years or so you are young," comments that we know we would get.  Now... It slipped out haha.  First I slipped with my mom I didn't mean to tell her honestly but it happened.  Then some friends found out.  Then Cody's mom.... and now I am leaking it in my blog.  I just am tired of trying to hide it.  I am tired of feeling so frustrated that it's not happening yet and then not feeling like I can tell anyone about my frustrations because they don't know I am trying haha.  So now whoever reads this knows.  Which I can't help to think at most times is no one still but oh well.  I feel like writing it or typing it down is a release and that is what I need.  I am trying so hard to be patient and to live on the Lord's time and not mine but it is so hard when I feel like there are pregnant people all around me and babies and people talking about how much they love being mothers... It makes it hard.  I am trying though and that's all I can say I am trying to wait patiently hopefully that pays off soon. :)