Who I want to be.

Lately I have found myself thinking about the person I want to be... There are so many things that I want to do and want to be but sometimes I find I have a hard time trying to figure out how to get to that person I want to be. I want to be strong. I want to be able to handle the stresses of life and not feel overwhelmed but everytime I think I am doing that something happens that usually gets me so worked up that not only that stress but all the other stresses that I tried to put out of my mind hit me like a ton of bricks and I crumple. My husband says he doesn't like giving me bad news because he knows that it will upset me, and I don't want that. I want my husband to feel like he can share the burdens of life with me and I won't crumple under the weight of them and leave him to bear the burden alone. Second of all I want to be kind always. You know those people who you never hear a mean word out of their mouth, and nothing seems to bother them? I want to be like that I want to be christ like and to forgive instantly and to have kinds words for everyone, but I still find myself getting frustrated with someone and saying harsh words against them. For like a week I did really well if I thought a mean word I word stop myself and repent and say one nice thing about that persone but then that bad habit came back and I thought mean things once again. I guess what I need to do is repent daily and if I have a bad day where I do think or say unkind things I need to make my goal to not do that the next day or something.  I also want to be beautiful.  Now you might be thinking I mean physically but that's not what I am talking about. I want to have a beautiful soul, I want others to think I am beautiful not because of my face, my haircut, my makeup, but because of my deeds, my faith, and my service. I think in general I just want to be a better person.  I want to be someone that God will look at and say, "Now that is someone who is trying her best to make it back to me." As I get older I realize that is the goal, to be someone God will be proud of and not someone the world will be proud of. Beauty doesn't matter if it is only skin deep, that beauty fades. Success does not matter if you are not willing so serve those less fortunate. Above all Life doesn't not matter if you don't make your life worth living. Partying, Flings, Drugs, Alcohol, none of that makes life worth living. Love, Faith, Family, God, and Friendship is what makes life worth living, Are we willing to make our lives worth living? I sure want to try. I want to be someone who loves life and someone who is truly happy in their own skin.