I need to vent just a little. First I want to say that I love my husband. He is my best friend, we get along, he understands me, and we just fit perfectly. In that part of my life I am the happiest girl on earth, and just thinking of him now makes me smile and feel this overwhelming indescribable love for him that I have never even been close to feeling with anyone else, and when I focus on him I am truly happy.
Now we go to the venting which has to do with friends. I don't really don't have any. It's so bad that I feel like even my cousin doesn't want to come around that much and this fact kills me. If I had to look at myself and answer questions honestly I would say I am a fun person. I am silly, hyper, I love to laugh, I love people, I love to go out and do things, I love life, and I feel generally I am an interesting person. The problem is this... That Bree... You know the amazing one... That's only me when I am with Cody. That true me only comes out when I know there is no chance I will be laughed AT instead of WITH, when I know that person loves me, understands me, and most of all when I know I won't be judged.
I used to be myself. I feel like my senior year of Highschool I was pretty much myself, and I had friends. I went out every weekend, and I was happy being myself. I didn't mind dressing up like a freak and walking through the school, and I didn't mind people seeing me be myself, but things made me think. First there was the whole fact that I was being made fun of behind my back by the cheerleaders, and yes I was a cheerleader, but a lot of the other cheerleaders made fun of me. Then I moved away and met my husband and more friends dropped out of my life. There are girls who I had in my wedding who I considered close friends who give me one word answers when I text them, and don't respond to my facebook comments, and who say they miss me and then when I ask them to hang out they avoid me.
So I have to ask what is wrong with me? Do people just deal with me until they can get rid of me? Is there something about me that makes me unrelateable? Am I boring? Uninteresting? Rude?
The final question is why do I have to go through nights where I cry to my husband because I don't have friends and no one asks me to do things when everyone else seems to have at least one person who is there best friend, and who they can tell everything to and do everything with? What's wring with me?
I definitely was not ever just dealing with you. Please think back to third period show choir. And you never called me. Seriously do call me whenever because even if I can't answer I always call back.
ReplyDeleteNOTHING! Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. The thing is, ppl prefer convenience in all things. You live so far from me :( Once I get my drivers license I'll definitely try come visit more...please do keep in mind i love you B, i really do. We don't talk enough and i take fault for that :/
ReplyDeleteI wonder if a lot of newly weds go through this? Loosing friends and trying to fit themselves into a new community... Because even though hubbies are great and you love em- there's nothing like venting to a girlfriend, crying with them, laughing with them, getting angry at boys...its just irreplaceable.
Bree!! Your blog is so cute! I love it! :)
ReplyDeleteI know I don't know you very well but you are such a sweet girl! Whenever I see you, you always have a smile on your face! Don't ever think there is something wrong with you because theres not! If you ever need someone to talk to, call or text me!! 801-389-9136 Just know that you will always have one friend no matter what, and that is our Savior Jesus Christ! I know He is always with us and that we can go to Him about anything!! :)