Heavenly Introductions

    Hello friends! Today I wanted to give a rundown on what we are about at Heavenly. First, in case you didn't know this already, Heavenly is a clothing store that offers stylish, comfortable, and high-quality clothing options that are also modest and size inclusive. If you want to learn more about how we came to be and what we stand for keep reading.

       First let's start with our origin story. Heavenly started as one woman’s dream to create beautiful trendy clothing for women who celebrated modesty. Jerrica was tired of walking into stores and being unable to find something that wasn’t cropped or showed more of her body than she was comfortable with, so she decided to start Heavenly. She started in the basement of her house and with herself as the sole employee. She has since grown the business to include 300+ employees and two physical locations as well as a warehouse. 

    Not only has Jerrica grown an amazing business dedicated to helping women feel more beautiful and confident she has created a culture in her business that supports women putting their families as a priority. She offers an in-office day care and strives to create a flexible fun work environment that prioritizes her employees and customers above the bottom line. 

    Now on to what we offer at Heavenly. I already mentioned that we offer stylish, comfortable, and high-quality clothing options that are also modest and size inclusive, but that's not all we offer. Through our social media and blog, we offer style advice and sizing help. At Heavenly we recognize that not all clothing is created equally and that different brands fit differently. We want to take the stress out of online purchasing by giving you an idea of how our clothes will fit you so that you can order the right size the first time. We also recognize that not everyone was born with an eye for fashion, so we aim to help with our style guides through our blog and social media outlets. 

    Jerrica’s hope for Heavenly is that the company will continue to grow and will help women around the world of all backgrounds and sizes in their pursuit of modest, comfortable, and stylish clothing see their beauty that shines through the clothing they wear. We hope you will join us in our mission. Please share this blog and our clothing with others who might need our products, and don't forget to let your beauty shine through. 

Valentine's day! :)

I actually started this post on V day so it is a little late being published but thought I would publish it anyway!

Wow it's been a while since I have posted on this blog but I thought that I would start up again! Since I have been blogging pretty regularly on my fighting for motherhood blog I have noticed some people have been popping over to this one to see if there is anything new! I am going to start using this one more for day to day stuff and adventures and use the other one just for all our fertility/baby stuff! :)

I have to say Valentine's day has kind of snuck up on me this year! I find myself having a hard time believing that it is already mid February! I don't think I did the best job a wife could do for her hubby on Valentine's day but I did get him lots of chocolate so he said it was perfect! Cody on the other hand did an awesome job this year! He surprised me by sending me some chocolate covered strawberries from Shari's Berries!  I was kind of expecting for him to send me flowers because I have been telling him for four years now that I want him to send me flowers just once but he did even better!  He remembered the story I told him like last week about my idea of grownup Valentine's day.  When I was a little girl my mom used to always make chocolate covered strawberries for her husband for valentine's day, so I always thought that when I was married someday I would eat chocolate covered strawberries with my husband! There was only one problem... Cody doesn't like strawberries!! I know weird huh?! So he sent me my very own chocolate covered strawberries instead of flowers for Valentine's day!! I was pretty excited!

So that's it? That's all we are doing for Valentine's day?? Nope! We actually went to dinner with my family last night so we are kind of counting that as our Valentine's day dinner since it was fancier than what we usually do, and tonight we will be eating heart shaped pizza and playing games with some neighbor friends!! :) I am pretty excited! We are so lucky to have such great friends in our neighborhood!! I think we have like 4 couples in our ward that we have had the privilege to hang out with and all of them enrich our lives so much! I am so thankful I have a place on this earth where I feel like I am accepted and cared about! I promise I am not always this sickly optimistic and sunny (I know that drives people nuts because they feel like it's fake) but today I am completely happy! The only thing that could make it better is a baby ;) but we are working on that!

I hope you all are having a great Valentine's day or Single's Awareness day... :) and we will see you back here next time I have something interesting to say which hopefully doesn't take too long... I will try to think of some exciting adventures to have! Thanks for reading sorry if I bored you to death!

Why?

I have been having a really hard time this last week.  I feel like bursting into tears every few minutes whenever my mind is not focused on doing something.  I think it's just because I am coming to the realization that I am probably not going to have a baby this year maybe not even next year. Let me tell you why.  Cody and I went to the temple one day specifically to find an answer to the question of whether or not we should start trying to have children. When we were first were married we felt like around three years was the time to start but as we approached three years we weren't so sure. So that brings us to the temple.  We had fasted and prayed and I had felt like we should start trying already so I was really just waiting for Cody to receive that confirmation.  As we sat in the celestial room Cody told me that he felt like it was ok if we started trying but that he felt like it would be a while before we got pregnant. I was so happy that he had said we could start trying I kind of skipped over the second half of his sentence.  I had hoped we would be pregnant by christmas and already started planning how I would tell everyone ect. ect. Then this week I had thoughts... a while could mean by christmas but it could mean a year or two or longer as well.  One night Cody and I were talking babies and I asked, "Do you think we will be pregnant by christmas don't think just answer." His response was an immediate, "No."  I think that is when it hit me. It wasn't going to happen this year.  My hopes were dashed and I couldn't help but to cry. P.S. I was at work all alone with no one to comfort me and Cody fell asleep shortly after that text that snapped me into reality.  I was heartbroken.  My dream is and has always been to be a mother, and I thought I would be by now.  I know I am still young, I know there is still time but still I am not where I thought I would be at my age. 

It's hard for me when I see other young women around me with children.  They are all around too.  I have friends that have kids, younger women in my ward, at work, and everywhere I go I feel like I see young mothers or young pregnant women.  I know this is dumb but I feel like it's never going to be me. I can't picture myself pregnant, I feel like that is a gift other women get but like for some reason I don't deserve that precious gift.  I want it so bad, but I feel like the reason I don't have it yet is because somehow I am undeserving of a family. 

I have always had a hard time believing that I belong, that I am wanted, that I am good enough, and that I matter.  It's no fault of my parents they nevet told me I didn't belong, that I wasn't wanted, that I wasn't good enough, or that I didn't matter.  On the contrary my mother was always talking me up. Telling others how beautiful, smart, talented, and popular I was. I never felt that way though.  I felt inferior, awkward, and like an outcast.  That's pretty much how i have felt since elementary school.  I hate it I try to push the feelings aside I have gone to counseling I feel like maybe if I knew why I felt that way I could get over it but I don't know what made me feel that way. Anyway I am getting off topic the point is I have never felt like I deserve get things to go perfect for me.

Maybe that is the problem I expect everything to be easy for me and to happen when I want it to happen. Maybe I am too busy pouting over the fact that things are not happening on my time that I don't even accept the possibility that simply it's just not time yet but that when it is it will be what I want, even if it didn't happen how or when i wanted it to. Maybe I am being selfish thinking that the world revolves around me and it's poor me when I don't get my way.... maybe.  I know I need to just take a step back, be happy for those in my life who are having kids and accept that when it is my turn I will be ready and I will appreciate it all the more because it didn't happen easy.  Maybe I am waiting so that I want my kids so much that when they are here I will be able to tell them that I waited for them for a long time. I can tell them how much Cody and I wanted them and love them.  Maybe I need to suffer and be patient so that my kids can have those feelings that I never did. Again I am not saying my parents didn't want me but they didn't have to wait and so many other people in this world get pregnant on first try and maybe they didn't have to have the tests come up negative month after month and wonder when they will get this blessing that they have been praying for daily. Maybe I need that so I don't forget what my kids mean to me. Maybe they are just being saved for a special time in this world and it's not time yet... I don't know!

All I know while there are women out there in unwanted unplanned pregnancies asking themselves why me, I am sitting here asking myself why not me.

Pipe Dreams!

So I have had the biggest desire lately to do photography! I think about it everyday, I dream about it, but i have no idea where it came from. One day I just boom woke up wanting to do photography and it's like an itch I want to scratch so bad!  I feel like I am scared to go after it though. I am worried that I will spend all this money on a camera and things and I will find out I am terrible at photography and my efforts would have been spent better somewhere else... but still what if I am great at it? I sit here at war with myself wondering if I should risk the money, wonder if it would bring what dance brought to my life, and wonder if I will regret it if I don't take the chance.  I want an outlet to express my feelings, I want to do something artistic, and I want to have something that is beautiful.  I try to ask myself if God planted this seed of desire in my heart because I should go for it or if I am just looking for something to do. I have always loved pictures.  I love looking at them and seeing utter joy on someones face or an innocent expression of a child. I love looking at love between a husband and wife, or even sorrow.  I could look at photos for hours and not get bored, especially the happy moments.  Is that enough though? Sometimes I wish that I could just look into the future and see if I would be any good if I decided to go for it! I guess that's is part of the beauty in life though... you never know what will happen tomorrow.  It's a good thing not knowing sometimes. That way you don't worry about the bad that will come into your life and you can be surprised by the good.  I think I will take this chance I will put myself out there and if I am not great I will work on it until I am.

I also think about dance a lot!  I miss it so much!  It's another unanswered question in my life as to whether or not I should get back into dance or not.  I have thought about trying to make a career out of it but I find myself doubting my talent and that makes me sad.  I want to feel like I can follow that dream and be what I once was... a great dancer.  Now I am not saying I was amazing because I wasn't but I put my heart and soul into dance.  Whatever I was feeling that day was put into my dancing and that's something I feel like i lost. I lost the passion and the beauty of putting my heart and soul into something... Maybe that is why I am thinking about photography so much? I know that my body isn't as great as it once was.  My hips often hurt and sometimes my knees so maybe I see photography as something to put my heart and soul into? I don't know but for now I will try to figure it all out. In the mean time any suggestions would be welcomed! I mean I probably should just abandon these silly dreams and become a teacher or something right?

Asking for help!

I am in some need here I am sick of feeling down on myself so I would put a question out there.... How do you raise your confidence?  How can I believe I am a beautiful daughter of God, that I am important, and that I can do anything I set my mind to?  I want to be the person that is positive and loves herself, I also want to be able to help others! I don't want to be so consumed with feeling bad about myself that I can't see beyond that so any ideas?  Also how can I learn to trust? Trust that people won't walk out on me, trust that people aren't always lying to me, i'm sick of feeling paranoid! So anyone? I'm asking for help!

Finding blessings in waiting

So Cody and I stopped trying for kids in October because we moved in with Cody's family and we didn't want to add to the chaos in that house!  Our decision was solidified when Cody quit his job and we didn't have insurance anymore.  I am now on my Dad's insurance but it doesn't cover pregnancy so once again I find myself trying to wait patiently for the right time to have kids.  My goal now is to find a job so that I will have insurance to cover pregnancy and then we can get on with building our eternal family but who knows when it will happen.  I have been struggling since I found out my friend was pregnant with questions like why her and not me.  Her life is less than stable right now and a baby will make her life harder, and I feel like mine is more stable and yet here we are no kids to be spoken of. Then it hit me today.... God knows the desires of our hearts.  He knows that I want to be this amazing mom, he knows that I want to have myself completely under control and steady, he knows I don't want to be overwhelmed to the point of being unable to handle things, and he knows I secretly know I am not ready.  I sometimes admit that to myself.  When I take an honest look at my life and my struggles I know I don't want to bring a baby into all of this yet.  I want to get some counseling, I want to feel more confident, and i want to have that feeling of belonging before I have to try to teach a child how to be confident, and before I try to make them understand they belong.  I was watching The Help yesterday.... I know I am behind!  As I was watching it something really hit me.  The maid is holding her bosses little girl and she is telling her that she is kind, smart, and important, and then she has the little girl repeat it back.  I want to feel that way.  I want to know I am kind, smart, and important, and I definitely want my children to feel that way.  In that movie it also talks about how some of the mother's made their children feel like they weren't beautiful and that made me sad.  I know I don't feel like I am beautiful most of the time and to have someone else making you feel that way along with it feels horrible.  Wow I have gotten a little off subject haha.  My point it I feel blessed to have a Heavenly Father who knows my desires.  He knows what is important to me, and he knows I am passionate about being a good mother.  He also knows I am not quite there yet, but he knows I am trying my hardest to get there.  I want to be the best mother I can be, having an eternal family is my passion.  I will work so hard to get there.  Someday I will be there standing in the celestial kingdom with my family, I can see it now, and I will not stop working until I am there.

Christmas Eve Cryfest?

Christmas eve this year was good and bad all put together... I felt the spirit and in a way renewed my determination to become a better person, and on the other hand a lot of things I try to not think about came out.  To many it's no secret that I have not had the easiest life.  I am not saying my life was horrible, because I have had a good life full of good memories, good friends, and good experiences.  I am simply stating the fact that it was not easy.  I went through a lot and I try not to think about the bad and try instead to focus on the good. This Christmas eve though it all came crashing down on me and eventually left me sobbing in my bed while my husband held me. Every thing bad that i had tried to stuff down and hide away in a little drawer flew out of it's hiding space and tried to demand my attention.  I knew then that I can no longer keep hiding those feelings and memories.  I had talked to my bishop a week earlier about starting counseling and after Christmas Eve I am eager to start.  My goal in life is to be the best i can.  I dream of being a good mother, wife, daughter, sister, daughter in law, sister in law, friend, and an overall good person. I want my kids to see the struggles I went through in life and how I used them to strengthen me and get me to be where I want to be which is the highest degree of the celestial kingdom.  I know to do that I need to work on the issues of my past and I would be lying if I didn't say I was scared.  I am scared that I might have to confront those that hurt me, and that they will try to make me feel like my feelings and thoughts aren't valid.  I know I have to talk to those who have hurt me and tell them how they hurt me and that it will be hard for me to say it and it will be hard for them to hear it, but I can't keep doing what I am doing.  Everyday I suffer with feelings of inadequacy, I worry that my decisions will disappoint others, I worry that my in laws don't like me or don't see me as worthy, I worry Cody doesn't see me as beautiful because of the weight I have put on or if I am not wearing makeup, and I worry that I'm not loved.  I hate it and being honest sometimes I hate myself but Christmas made me realize it's not ok.  I am a daughter of God and he loves me.  I am worth something, and I want to get to the point where I don't have to convince myself of that everyday. I have one last thought. If you feel like you have problems you need help with don't be afraid to get the help you need. Don't let pride or anger get in the way of you becoming the best you you can be.  God loves you, show him you know that.

How did I get from the point of hating relief society to loving it?

Ok so i was one of those young women who did not want to go to Relief Society.  I actually stayed in Young Womens until I was 19 haha.  I used to dread going there with all the adults talking about kids, temple marriage, and all those grownup things that I didn't need to worry about yet.  Since I have gotten married and have been in Relief Society though I love it.  If I miss all of my other meetings I will still make it to Relief Society, and when the lessons are being taught I find them so helpful and strenghtening.  I feel like i grow each time i go to Relief Society, and now this once upon a time nuisance has become a huge blessing! There are in fact only two things I dislike about Relief Society and that is 1) I sit all alone, and 2) Super Saturdays are apparently no more :(  Can i just say that number two makes me more sad than number one? I think that Super Saturdays were the best!  I am by no means a homemaker, and I don't consider myself a very creative person but on those Saturdays I felt like i was able to get into that mode and make all these creative things for my home. I hold out hope and I have faith though that my Heavenly Father will see my need and either bring back Super Saturdays to my ward or that he will provide another way for me to learn homemaking skills!

Life and Marriage

I have been thinking a lot lately about marriage.  I work in a retirement home and I get to be around quite a few couples who have made it through life together and have been in each others lives for 50+ years.  I have seen how these couples treat eachother, how they take care of each other, and most importantly how they love each other.  I have heard their pet names, seen quiet signs of affection, and I have seen many relationships that I would love to model my marriage after.  When I see all of these couples around me it makes me so happy. I love to watch as a husband brings breakfast in bed up to his wife, or see a wife fret over her husbands health.  It gives me hope that I will be there someday.  I want to have a relationship that has stood the test of time and more importantly one that is ready to face eternity.  I have watched as spouses of my residents have passed and I have seen them grieve and silently accept their loss, and I have also heard them talk of reuniting with their sweetheart and the joy it will bring.  I love marriage and in a world where marriage is losing my merrit I want to say that I believe in marriage and it is definitely a relationship worth fighting for.  I love my husband more than words can express and I am so happy that we have a marriage that will last not only for time but for eternity!

Who I want to be.

Lately I have found myself thinking about the person I want to be... There are so many things that I want to do and want to be but sometimes I find I have a hard time trying to figure out how to get to that person I want to be. I want to be strong. I want to be able to handle the stresses of life and not feel overwhelmed but everytime I think I am doing that something happens that usually gets me so worked up that not only that stress but all the other stresses that I tried to put out of my mind hit me like a ton of bricks and I crumple. My husband says he doesn't like giving me bad news because he knows that it will upset me, and I don't want that. I want my husband to feel like he can share the burdens of life with me and I won't crumple under the weight of them and leave him to bear the burden alone. Second of all I want to be kind always. You know those people who you never hear a mean word out of their mouth, and nothing seems to bother them? I want to be like that I want to be christ like and to forgive instantly and to have kinds words for everyone, but I still find myself getting frustrated with someone and saying harsh words against them. For like a week I did really well if I thought a mean word I word stop myself and repent and say one nice thing about that persone but then that bad habit came back and I thought mean things once again. I guess what I need to do is repent daily and if I have a bad day where I do think or say unkind things I need to make my goal to not do that the next day or something.  I also want to be beautiful.  Now you might be thinking I mean physically but that's not what I am talking about. I want to have a beautiful soul, I want others to think I am beautiful not because of my face, my haircut, my makeup, but because of my deeds, my faith, and my service. I think in general I just want to be a better person.  I want to be someone that God will look at and say, "Now that is someone who is trying her best to make it back to me." As I get older I realize that is the goal, to be someone God will be proud of and not someone the world will be proud of. Beauty doesn't matter if it is only skin deep, that beauty fades. Success does not matter if you are not willing so serve those less fortunate. Above all Life doesn't not matter if you don't make your life worth living. Partying, Flings, Drugs, Alcohol, none of that makes life worth living. Love, Faith, Family, God, and Friendship is what makes life worth living, Are we willing to make our lives worth living? I sure want to try. I want to be someone who loves life and someone who is truly happy in their own skin.

General Women's Conference 2011

       Ok so the General Women's Conference was awesome this weekend.  My favorite talk was the one by President Uchdorf.  It was entitled forget me not.  He talked about the beauty of the forget me nots and how they are often overlooked because they are so small.  He talked about how the forget me not has 5 petals and that each petal can be a reminder to us of things we should forget.
       The 1st petal is forget not to be patient with yourself.  I think this is an important thing for us to forget not because I know I am not very patient with myself.  The fact is we are human and we will make mistakes and we aren't perfect.  We need to be more patient with ourselves and look for our little steps of progress instead of focusing on all the things we do wrong.
       The 2nd petal is forget not the difference between good sacrifices and foolish sacrifices.  So to me this means sacrificing your time for to do charity for others.  That is a good sacrifice :) This is one I need to do better. 
       The 3rd petal is forget not to be happy now.  I love this one because I felt like he was talking to me.  I feel like sometimes I find reasons not to be happy and instead I need to find reasons to be happy and there are a lot more reasons to be happy than there are not to be happy.  He used the analogy of the movie Willey Wonka and the chocolate factory.  He talked about how chocolate was something that brought happiness and when the golden tickets were put in those chocolate bars the chocolate lost all of its joy.  People weren't happy with just chocolate anymore now they could only be happy if they found one of the golden tickets inside.  Isn't it sad that so many people can't just be happy with just chocolate? Why do we need that golden ticket? We should be thankful and happy with what we have instead of searching for a golden ticket.
       The 4th petal is forget not the why of the gospel. We have a list of what we need to do in the gospel and how but we need to remember the why.  Why are we doing this? Why do we believe? We need to remind ourselves why every single day!
       The 5th petal is forget not that he loves you.  This one is so important.  I think we always know Heavenly Father loves us but I think sometimes we forget.  I know that sometimes it is really hard for me because I feel like I am alone or I don't have friends or that I am not receiving the blessings I want but I need to remember he loves me. He knows my life plan better than I do and he knows what I need better than I do so I need to trust that and remember he loves me and he will take care of me.
       I loved this talk and I loved conference!  It is always so nice to hear the leaders of our church and to hear the messages they have received inspiration that we need to hear.  I can't wait until next week so we can receive more guidance on the things we need to work on.
         

Hard to keep in.

Ok so it's been a while but I haven't had much time to blog.  I just finished my internship for school and wow it was tiring.  I barely had time to worry about anything else but thank goodness it is done and I graduated!  So now my mind turns to other things.  Getting a new job, putting Cody through the police academy, more schooling for myself, and.... kids.  For about 5 months now Cody and I have not been preventing kids from coming and so far nothing so I guess it's not time yet but I wish it was.  I know our lives are a bit hectic right now, and I know having kids will be the hardest jobs we will ever take on but yet I still can't wait.  I love kids and the fact that I am in an eternal marriage with an amazing man just makes me want to bring more craziness and love into our family.  We originally wanted to keep our "trying" secret because we have felt the harsh judgement from family and friends on our other decisions and we didn't want to hear all the, "You really should put that off for five years or so you are young," comments that we know we would get.  Now... It slipped out haha.  First I slipped with my mom I didn't mean to tell her honestly but it happened.  Then some friends found out.  Then Cody's mom.... and now I am leaking it in my blog.  I just am tired of trying to hide it.  I am tired of feeling so frustrated that it's not happening yet and then not feeling like I can tell anyone about my frustrations because they don't know I am trying haha.  So now whoever reads this knows.  Which I can't help to think at most times is no one still but oh well.  I feel like writing it or typing it down is a release and that is what I need.  I am trying so hard to be patient and to live on the Lord's time and not mine but it is so hard when I feel like there are pregnant people all around me and babies and people talking about how much they love being mothers... It makes it hard.  I am trying though and that's all I can say I am trying to wait patiently hopefully that pays off soon. :)

Raising the bar!

This past wednesday I was sitting in my career development class and my teacher was talking about raising the bar.  He talked about what employers want and how you get to be indesposable and I was interested.  I thought to myself about how I could raise the bar at my current job. I work in an environment where the people I serve and the people I work with can be difficult and I am kind of a complainer.  Don't get me wrong I am a very hard worker and I always try to do my best and be the kind of worker that I would want if I were the employer but I complain and I don't always have a positive attitude towards others so I have decdided to be more positive.  There is one person at my work who I have a very hard time with and I decided that I was going to be completely positive and try to like her and be positive about working with her I was about half way through the day and I was doing really well.  I had been positive with this person all day and I was being pleasant and I was feeling good then something happened.  Let's just say I felt like they over stepped a boundary with me and so I immediately went from being positive to negative just as fast as you could say hi.  After my positivity broke down I immediately felt horrible.  I had made a goal and I couldn't even be positive for one day!  I felt bad for getting upset and disappointed in myself for not raising the bar and rising above it. I did realize however that I wanted to change and that even though I had slipped I could try again and renew my goal so that is what I did.  I shook the negativity and again tried to be positive with them.  I hope that I can do better this next time and even though I might mess up again I will keep trying. Practice makes perfect. 

Going from that point I need to be more positive with myself so I have to ask.... any tips?  I find myself feeling bad about my looks or physical aspects especially so if you have any tips hit me up with them.  I don't want to be insecure and negative when looking at myself in the mirror I want to be able to get up in the morning and say no I am not a perfect person but I am the perfect me and I am beautiful.  So.... HELP! :)

Sorry if anyone cares!

Ok so I don't know if anyone cared that I wasn't writing but if you did sorry!  My life got super crazy!  I was hit with a lot of stress and school stuff, and I just couldn't find time to write!  I am happy to report though that things are going well now and that my stress level is a lot lower than it was a week ago!  I am still trying to be myself and improve myself as well.  I had a good chance to do that this last week.

I won't say details but a girl I work with was going through a rough week too last week and so I decided to do something a little nice for her.  I hope this doesn't take away from it but I don't think it will.  So my plan was to not have anyone know that I had done this for her because I didn't need a thanks or recognition or anything, but they figured out it was me.  I was kinda bummed because I thought to myself now that they knew it was me it took away from the charity I was trying to give that person but then upon further thought I realized it didn't matter if they found out.  I did this act of charity for that person.  If I had done it for recognition I would have boasted of the act and let it be known that I was the one who did the charity for her but instead I didn't.  I tried to keep it quiet I even snuck into the room and made sure no one saw me but I know that my motive was known.  Later the girls said to me that they thought it was me because of the manner in which I performed the charity and I thought that was interesting.

You see the girls at my work are all extremely kind hearted but I know that they are not LDS.  The reason I thought to do this charity was because of conference.  I think it is amazing that because of a talk by a church leader I was reminded of charity and thought to do something for this girl.  I don't think I would have if I didn't have the church in my life and I don't mean that disrespectfully towards anyone of any faith I just mean for me personally it wouldn't have happened. 

I know I can be selfish, and I have moments where others aren't in my thoughts at all but because of the church I am reminded of others constantly and because of this I can see beyond myself and help others.  Recently I have been a little all about Bree and I am so glad conference reminded me that if I get lost in helping others I will be able to regain that caring attitude I started out with at work, and the nurturing aspect I want in my marriage and my life. 

I love the LDS church and I want everyone to know that I have a testimony in charity.  When you help others you can find joy, peace, and blessings that you would never have found otherwise.

Day 9 and 10 uh oh

Ok so day nine didn't work out haha I was going to go to a hotel and go swimming with my husband but we didn't end up going and instead we stayed home and had a surprise date night!  We watched Tangled and it was awesome!  Haha so swim suit thing didn't work out but no worries because I really am going swimming next friday so we will get that in just later.  Ok so even though I didn't go swimming I did challenge myself to do something!  I challenged myself to really listen to conference this weekend and so far so good!  I have really loved the talks so far they have talked a lot about families and spouses and charity and I really want to have all of those things, and to make sure I don't take them for granted and realize that even though they require a lot of work they can bring so much joy and fullness to my life. 

I always have a hard time with charity haha because I want to do it!  I just don't know how to.  I don't really know anyone from my ward and in fact don't really socialize too much outside of work but I need to and I want to.  I want to help people, and I don't want to be selfish.  There are so many people who are suffering out there and if I can make a difference in some of their lives then I want to do that.  So I think that is going to be a goal of mine... DO MORE CHARITY!!!!

Ok let's move on to my challenge for today.  This one is a hard one for me but I am excited!  Today I am going to post my previous weight and my current weight on facebook for all to see.  I am doing this because I used to not care if people knew how much I weighed and I want to get back to that so there ya go this one will be no fun for me but I am proud of how much weight I lost and I am not afraid to admit it needed to come off.  I am not overweight anymore and that is something to be proud of! 

Day 7 and 8 my silly style and no makeup!

Ok I missed a day again! haha I am kinda failing but it's ok life is just crazy!  Day 7 I did no makeup and that one wasn't too bad!  I did have a zit that I wanted to cover up but I didn't and it was pretty easy after I forgot about that.  I think though this is something that has gotten easier for me as I have gotten older because my skin used to be kinda bad and I would usually just cover it up with make up and now that I am older my skin is better, and I can be ok without makeup in front of people. :)

Ok Day 8 which is today I chose to wear the accessories I love and this one was fun.  I wore my owl ring that I just got this past weekend and then I wore my big cool earrings haha.  I love accessories and I love them when they are different! 

I think that this 21 day challenge has really helped me so far.  I have been learning more about myself, and I think that I have been getting closer to my husband and the lord.  Today something happened that upset me and instead of letting it consume me and freaking out I thought about the situation in reverse, like if I had been the one that made someone else upset because of my actions and I prayed for strength and patience in the situation.  Then when I did deal with it I was calm and forgiving and understanding and I know that Heavenly Father helped me get there.  I also know that I was able to do this because my husband has always been understanding and comforting with me and he has helped me learn more about myself just as The Lord has.  I can't wait to keep learning about myself and trying things that I might not have done before because I was too worried about what people thought of me.  I know that I am a good person and that I am trying my hardest, my family knows that, and God knows that and that's what matters! :)

Stick with me cuz tomorrow I am supposed to go swimming haha

Ok so day6 is it? Oh and recap on day5!

Ok sorry to disappoint Annie but I did not have a microphone with me in the car and also I was super bummed cuz there were no good songs on the radio :( :(  But I still did it.  I found a song that was ok and I rocked it out and microphone (Pretend one) sang!  Then you know what happened?  A lady ran a red light and almost killed me....  Maybe it was a sign saying I should sing haha.  It was fun though and even though I was very mad at almost dying I shook it off and continued my solo dance party haha.  I will probably do it again someday although maybe next time it will be when Cody James is driving. :)  He would love that!

Ok so day 5 I decided to be honest all day long and I have to say nothing really came up where I would be unhonest.  So I guess I passed but this day was like the first day and I will keep working on being honest.  Oh but I did remember I did have a very honest conversation with Cody James today so I guess that counts.  Go me!  Can I just say I have no clue why I keep calling Cody that today but I like it! 

Anyway back to honesty.  It's not like I haven't been honest but I think today was more about being honest with myself and with Cody and I did.  I took what he had to say in our little talk today and told him my honest opinion even though his plan scares me I understand it and I have to say that I trust him.  That right there is a big deal.  I don't give out trust easily but he has won mine and I know he will always do everything possible to support me and treat me well so I trust him.  That folks is the honest truth. 

If I am honest with myself I would have to say that I am not sure I want to be a Medical Assistant, I am not sure what else I would want to do, and that's ok with me.  I will figure it out on the way and I will do it all with Cody :)

Day 5 :)

Ok so I am not even going to lie today was a pretty good monday!  I was thinking about it and even though we have to go back to school and work I like mondays.  I feel like it's a fresh start and after a good weekend I think you can have a really good monday like I did today. 

Today my challenge was to rock out in my car.  The reason I chose this as my challenge is because when I was unmarried and all and I was in the car with my mom I would seriously head bang.  Like I would just go crazy and then ask my mom to tell me what people's faces looked like when they saw me going crazy in the car next to them.  Then we would laugh because people would stare at me haha I am surprised I didn't cause crashes with my car dances! 

Now I know what you are thinking and no worries!   I don't plan on crazy dancing while driving, that would be irresponsible but I do plan on rocking out and singing like microphone and everything in the car on my way home which will be in about an hour.  (I am at school right now and yes I am blogging at school, I know, shame on me).  So since I haven't done it yet I will tell you about it all tomorrow.

Before I go I just want to say one thing.... I miss you friends and I am thinking it would be fun to get together when it gets a little warmer at like a park and play games and such like old times so let me know if you want to join!

Day 3 and 4! Being me

Ok so I didn't forget that I was doing my blog challenge I just had a way busy day yesterday so today is when I was able to get to yesterday's blog!  So day three which was saturday I went shopping with a friend and then had a double date with my cousin Kara and her hubby Jesse.  My challenge for yesterday was to be myself and not to be all stiff and not fun.  :) I did it!  At least I think I did.  I tried to be myself and I had a blast.  I didn't feel like I was fake and I don't feel like I was someone else.  I did get some weird looks because I was myself but I was happy to get them because it meant that I was being my dorky self.  I jumped on tramps, I sucked at laser tag, I did arcade games, I mini golfed, and I had fun.  When shopping I even picked an owl ring out at the store instead of one that was less me.  I may not have received compliments on my looks like the girl I was with but I was me and if that's not good enough for other people then that's ok.  I am good enough for me and Cody and that's what matters. 

So far I have loved this challenge but I won't lie today was hard.  I have been having a hard time with my calling at church and today was just hard for me.  I was upset because of my calling and I am not sure exactly what my challenge is today.  I guess today that might just be how it went, I don't have a challenge for today and thinking it up now and faking it wouldn't be me so I will tell you flat out today was a bust. 

I did have to make two hard decisions today though.  The first was whether or not I would be the authority figure in my primary class, and I chose to be that.  Even though I did choose that though I feel like I also tried to bring some personality into my teaching and tried to make it more fun and not to lose my patience and I think I did really good with that.  My second hard decision today was whether or not I should ask to be released again.  I already have but it resulted in me staying where I was at which was really hard for me because I have struggled with enjoying this calling.  I work with kids all week and then to do it again on sunday is kind of hard.  I have felt at a loss of what to do so many times because I don't have the experience when it comes to disciplining and teaching kids the life lessons as well as the gospel principles that they need to be learning and I get frustrated.  When I get this way I don't even want to deal with work or my calling and I don't think it is fair to the children that they aren't getting my best at all times.  Anyway back to the decision well instead I decided to wait is out and pray.  I am putting my trust in the Lord and hopefully he will give me the patience and strength I need to do the calling or give me what I want which is to be released.  We will see what happens but as for now I am going to keep trying my best for my calling.

Well that's it today see ya tomorrow. Thanks for listening... If anyone is :)

Crazy Hair!