So I have had the biggest desire lately to do photography! I think about it everyday, I dream about it, but i have no idea where it came from. One day I just boom woke up wanting to do photography and it's like an itch I want to scratch so bad! I feel like I am scared to go after it though. I am worried that I will spend all this money on a camera and things and I will find out I am terrible at photography and my efforts would have been spent better somewhere else... but still what if I am great at it? I sit here at war with myself wondering if I should risk the money, wonder if it would bring what dance brought to my life, and wonder if I will regret it if I don't take the chance. I want an outlet to express my feelings, I want to do something artistic, and I want to have something that is beautiful. I try to ask myself if God planted this seed of desire in my heart because I should go for it or if I am just looking for something to do. I have always loved pictures. I love looking at them and seeing utter joy on someones face or an innocent expression of a child. I love looking at love between a husband and wife, or even sorrow. I could look at photos for hours and not get bored, especially the happy moments. Is that enough though? Sometimes I wish that I could just look into the future and see if I would be any good if I decided to go for it! I guess that's is part of the beauty in life though... you never know what will happen tomorrow. It's a good thing not knowing sometimes. That way you don't worry about the bad that will come into your life and you can be surprised by the good. I think I will take this chance I will put myself out there and if I am not great I will work on it until I am.
I also think about dance a lot! I miss it so much! It's another unanswered question in my life as to whether or not I should get back into dance or not. I have thought about trying to make a career out of it but I find myself doubting my talent and that makes me sad. I want to feel like I can follow that dream and be what I once was... a great dancer. Now I am not saying I was amazing because I wasn't but I put my heart and soul into dance. Whatever I was feeling that day was put into my dancing and that's something I feel like i lost. I lost the passion and the beauty of putting my heart and soul into something... Maybe that is why I am thinking about photography so much? I know that my body isn't as great as it once was. My hips often hurt and sometimes my knees so maybe I see photography as something to put my heart and soul into? I don't know but for now I will try to figure it all out. In the mean time any suggestions would be welcomed! I mean I probably should just abandon these silly dreams and become a teacher or something right?