Thursday, March 31, 2011

Day 7 and 8 my silly style and no makeup!

Ok I missed a day again! haha I am kinda failing but it's ok life is just crazy!  Day 7 I did no makeup and that one wasn't too bad!  I did have a zit that I wanted to cover up but I didn't and it was pretty easy after I forgot about that.  I think though this is something that has gotten easier for me as I have gotten older because my skin used to be kinda bad and I would usually just cover it up with make up and now that I am older my skin is better, and I can be ok without makeup in front of people. :)

Ok Day 8 which is today I chose to wear the accessories I love and this one was fun.  I wore my owl ring that I just got this past weekend and then I wore my big cool earrings haha.  I love accessories and I love them when they are different! 

I think that this 21 day challenge has really helped me so far.  I have been learning more about myself, and I think that I have been getting closer to my husband and the lord.  Today something happened that upset me and instead of letting it consume me and freaking out I thought about the situation in reverse, like if I had been the one that made someone else upset because of my actions and I prayed for strength and patience in the situation.  Then when I did deal with it I was calm and forgiving and understanding and I know that Heavenly Father helped me get there.  I also know that I was able to do this because my husband has always been understanding and comforting with me and he has helped me learn more about myself just as The Lord has.  I can't wait to keep learning about myself and trying things that I might not have done before because I was too worried about what people thought of me.  I know that I am a good person and that I am trying my hardest, my family knows that, and God knows that and that's what matters! :)

Stick with me cuz tomorrow I am supposed to go swimming haha

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Ok so day6 is it? Oh and recap on day5!

Ok sorry to disappoint Annie but I did not have a microphone with me in the car and also I was super bummed cuz there were no good songs on the radio :( :(  But I still did it.  I found a song that was ok and I rocked it out and microphone (Pretend one) sang!  Then you know what happened?  A lady ran a red light and almost killed me....  Maybe it was a sign saying I should sing haha.  It was fun though and even though I was very mad at almost dying I shook it off and continued my solo dance party haha.  I will probably do it again someday although maybe next time it will be when Cody James is driving. :)  He would love that!

Ok so day 5 I decided to be honest all day long and I have to say nothing really came up where I would be unhonest.  So I guess I passed but this day was like the first day and I will keep working on being honest.  Oh but I did remember I did have a very honest conversation with Cody James today so I guess that counts.  Go me!  Can I just say I have no clue why I keep calling Cody that today but I like it! 

Anyway back to honesty.  It's not like I haven't been honest but I think today was more about being honest with myself and with Cody and I did.  I took what he had to say in our little talk today and told him my honest opinion even though his plan scares me I understand it and I have to say that I trust him.  That right there is a big deal.  I don't give out trust easily but he has won mine and I know he will always do everything possible to support me and treat me well so I trust him.  That folks is the honest truth. 

If I am honest with myself I would have to say that I am not sure I want to be a Medical Assistant, I am not sure what else I would want to do, and that's ok with me.  I will figure it out on the way and I will do it all with Cody :)

Monday, March 28, 2011

Day 5 :)

Ok so I am not even going to lie today was a pretty good monday!  I was thinking about it and even though we have to go back to school and work I like mondays.  I feel like it's a fresh start and after a good weekend I think you can have a really good monday like I did today. 

Today my challenge was to rock out in my car.  The reason I chose this as my challenge is because when I was unmarried and all and I was in the car with my mom I would seriously head bang.  Like I would just go crazy and then ask my mom to tell me what people's faces looked like when they saw me going crazy in the car next to them.  Then we would laugh because people would stare at me haha I am surprised I didn't cause crashes with my car dances! 

Now I know what you are thinking and no worries!   I don't plan on crazy dancing while driving, that would be irresponsible but I do plan on rocking out and singing like microphone and everything in the car on my way home which will be in about an hour.  (I am at school right now and yes I am blogging at school, I know, shame on me).  So since I haven't done it yet I will tell you about it all tomorrow.

Before I go I just want to say one thing.... I miss you friends and I am thinking it would be fun to get together when it gets a little warmer at like a park and play games and such like old times so let me know if you want to join!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Day 3 and 4! Being me

Ok so I didn't forget that I was doing my blog challenge I just had a way busy day yesterday so today is when I was able to get to yesterday's blog!  So day three which was saturday I went shopping with a friend and then had a double date with my cousin Kara and her hubby Jesse.  My challenge for yesterday was to be myself and not to be all stiff and not fun.  :) I did it!  At least I think I did.  I tried to be myself and I had a blast.  I didn't feel like I was fake and I don't feel like I was someone else.  I did get some weird looks because I was myself but I was happy to get them because it meant that I was being my dorky self.  I jumped on tramps, I sucked at laser tag, I did arcade games, I mini golfed, and I had fun.  When shopping I even picked an owl ring out at the store instead of one that was less me.  I may not have received compliments on my looks like the girl I was with but I was me and if that's not good enough for other people then that's ok.  I am good enough for me and Cody and that's what matters. 

So far I have loved this challenge but I won't lie today was hard.  I have been having a hard time with my calling at church and today was just hard for me.  I was upset because of my calling and I am not sure exactly what my challenge is today.  I guess today that might just be how it went, I don't have a challenge for today and thinking it up now and faking it wouldn't be me so I will tell you flat out today was a bust. 

I did have to make two hard decisions today though.  The first was whether or not I would be the authority figure in my primary class, and I chose to be that.  Even though I did choose that though I feel like I also tried to bring some personality into my teaching and tried to make it more fun and not to lose my patience and I think I did really good with that.  My second hard decision today was whether or not I should ask to be released again.  I already have but it resulted in me staying where I was at which was really hard for me because I have struggled with enjoying this calling.  I work with kids all week and then to do it again on sunday is kind of hard.  I have felt at a loss of what to do so many times because I don't have the experience when it comes to disciplining and teaching kids the life lessons as well as the gospel principles that they need to be learning and I get frustrated.  When I get this way I don't even want to deal with work or my calling and I don't think it is fair to the children that they aren't getting my best at all times.  Anyway back to the decision well instead I decided to wait is out and pray.  I am putting my trust in the Lord and hopefully he will give me the patience and strength I need to do the calling or give me what I want which is to be released.  We will see what happens but as for now I am going to keep trying my best for my calling.

Well that's it today see ya tomorrow. Thanks for listening... If anyone is :)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Crazy Hair!

Day 2 Wow look at that hair!

Ok so yesterday my challenge to myself was no gossiping and it was a good day to do it.  There was some challenges that day and chances for me to gossip but I stood strong and I did it!  I am going to keep up with that one because I really don't want to get back into talking about others, so wish me luck!

Today I woke up with crazy hair!  It was seriously just about the amazing hairdo I have ever woken up to so I just had to take a picture!  And to get back to myself that picture is going to be posted!  Yup it's true.  Crazy hair, no makeup, and just woken up picture of myself on facebook for all to see, and you know what?  I love it!  It feels good to be getting back to myself and reminding myself that it doesn't matter if other people think I am a dork or that I do dumb things because I do.  I am a dork, I do weird things, and it's ok!  We all do things or think things that are dumb or dorky and so I say to you.... Why be embarrassed?  Why do I worry about looking like a dork?  That's the real me, and if I can't feel comfortable with myself who can?

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Challenging myself

Ok Annie just so you know I have been thinking about calling you all week haha I forgot on friday and then when I remembered it was later and I didn't want to bother you since you said you had plans. haha

Next I have been thinking a lot about my last post and how I have been feeling and I decided something.  I don't think a lot of people have seen the real me.  When I hang out with people even if they are family I am worrying about if I am good enough for them, if they approve of my life decisions, if I look pretty enough to be sitting next to Cody, and whether or not the people I am with are noticing my tummy roll that I am self concious about.  I don't want to live like that.  I don't want to worry about what other people think, I want to be myself and I am hoping that that will solve my worrying about friends too.  I realized I get upset when certain people don't respond to my texts and well if they don't their not worth my tears, and my hurt feelings.  Life is too short to be worrying about people who aren't worrying about you.  There are people who care and I should spend time showing them I care about them back rather than spending all my emothions on certain friends who hurt me.

So here it is I am going to challenge myself to be me.  I am going to take 21 days and each day I will do one thing that I want to do and that is so me.  So let's start with today's challenge.

One thing I hate is gossip so today I will not gossip at all.  You might ask how that is being myself and I will tell you.  I don't like drama and I don't like the bad feeling that comes with talking about other people, and I have always tried to stay away from that.  The problem is I work with all girls and there is always drama going on, and lately I haven't been staying out of it and I am not proud of that!  So today I am focusing on that to get back to the old me.  I will continue working on it too, throughout the 21 days but this is the un-Bree-like thing I hate the most so I am doing away with it first.  So let's see how I do.  I will let you know tomorrow how I did today and what my challenge is for the next day.

I am hoping this can help me get back to myself and show everyone else out there the real me that so few of you know!  Thanks for the support of those who care, even those who don't know me ;)  the comments helped and made me want to do this.  Love you all!


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Off my chest

I need to vent just a little.  First I want to say that I love my husband.  He is my best friend, we get along, he understands me, and we just fit perfectly.  In that part of my life I am the happiest girl on earth, and just thinking of him now makes me smile and feel this overwhelming indescribable love for him that I have never even been close to feeling with anyone else, and when I focus on him I am truly happy. 

Now we go to the venting which has to do with friends.  I don't really don't have any.  It's so bad that I feel like even my cousin doesn't want to come around that much and this fact kills me.  If I had to look at myself and answer questions honestly I would say I am a fun person.  I am silly, hyper, I love to laugh, I love people, I love to go out and do things, I love life, and I feel generally I am an interesting person.  The problem is this... That Bree... You know the amazing one... That's only me when I am with Cody.  That true me only comes out when I know there is no chance I will be laughed AT instead of WITH, when I know that person loves me, understands me, and most of all when I know I won't be judged. 

I used to be myself.  I feel like my senior year of Highschool I was pretty much myself, and I had friends.  I went out every weekend, and I was happy being myself.  I didn't mind dressing up like a freak and walking through the school, and I didn't mind people seeing me be myself, but things made me think.  First there was the whole fact that I was being made fun of behind my back by the cheerleaders, and yes I was a cheerleader, but a lot of the other cheerleaders made fun of me.  Then I moved away and met my husband and more friends dropped out of my life.  There are girls who I had in my wedding who I considered close friends who give me one word answers when I text them, and don't respond to my facebook comments, and who say they miss me and then when I ask them to hang out they avoid me. 

So I have to ask what is wrong with me?  Do people just deal with me until they can get rid of me?  Is there something about me that makes me unrelateable?  Am I boring? Uninteresting? Rude? 

The final question is why do I have to go through nights where I cry to my husband because I don't have friends and no one asks me to do things when everyone else seems to have at least one person who is there best friend, and who they can tell everything to and do everything with?  What's wring with me?